Lean not on your own understanding, you goof

Before I even get into the post, I should address the elephant on the blog. The last time I published a blog post was in FEBRUARY. In my defense, I didn’t remember writing anything this year so it feels like a small victory.

The worst part is I haven’t really wanted to write. I have excuses about being busy or being riddled with doubt, but I know. It was easier to not push myself and make those excuses. Recently, though, I’ve felt a welcome pull.

Like most millennials, I’m constantly questioning every aspect of my life and searching for purpose. I know what I like to do and what I’m good at, but I worry about all the other details. While I haven’t fulfilled my resolution of writing something every month, I’ve been great with growing my faith and reading more. Seriously, I’ve read 40 out of the 50 books in my goal. But it’s the combination that got me back here. Some of those books had some serious wisdom for my soul.

God has given me gifts and I want to use them to glorify Him. If I only reach a few of my Facebook friends with this blog, that is enough. I’m always so preoccupied with how far this can go I don’t notice what I can do here. So I need to write more and be comfortable with where I am. That’s one piece.

The second piece is I want my writing to be for Him. It’s not like I’m writing anything satanic, but I do make it about myself too much. See the previous paragraph. I’m too busy thinking about how many people will like a certain post and trying to write in a way that gets attention that I forget why I’m doing it in the first place.

Hindsight > Insight is the whole idea behind this, but I wanted to add a biblical element as well to take the spiritual meter up a notch. Like any good Christian fluent in her Bible, I started searching words like ‘mistake’ and ‘obedience’ in the Bible app. When it was zero help, I turned to the master researcher, Google. A simple search of “Bible verse about wrong decisions” immediately led me to the obvious answer.

“Trust in the Lord with all of your heart, lean not on your own understanding. Look to Him in all of your ways and He will make your path straight, oh he will make your path straight.”

Okay, so maybe that’s the song version of Proverbs 3:5-6, but you get the point. This is one of the first verses I ever unintentionally learned through song. Maybe you knew it, too. At the ‘paths straight’ part you lock your fingers together and do this wave motion, right? Right? Anyway. While the NIV version is pretty much the same, it’s the CEV that really hits it home.

“With all your heart you must trust in the Lord and not your own judgment. Always let Him lead you, and He will clear the road.” 

My blog is called Seemingly Good Ideas because of how often I use that as a rationale for my really stupid decisions. I feel like I came out the womb fast and early apologizing to my frantic parents that it seemed like a good idea at the time.

When I look back on everything that seemed like a smart choice, the common factor is clear. I was relying on my own judgment and not trusting God to make the path for me. I lived with this fear that maybe He didn’t have my back so I had to make my way myself. Sure, not all of my decisions were this weighty, but a good chunk. Heck, if I had trusted God and not my friend I wouldn’t have tried to dye my hair blonde the month before my sister’s wedding. Her wrath was almost enough to send me to meet my Maker.

I even like how verse 7 begins in the CEV – Don’t ever think that you are wise enough.

In all of these decisions, I thought I was wise. I didn’t think I needed guidance and worse I didn’t have the patience to delay. One of my greatest strengths/weaknesses is my ability to act once I have a feeling. Without prayer, I’m a loose cannon with looser ties to my life.  I can up and leave anything without a glance back.

I want what I want now and the grass is always greener wherever my next decision takes me.

Thankfully, this is an area I’m learning to recognize and pause with. This whole year has been a test in patience, particularly in my finances. The more I trust and go to Him, the more I have a sense of right and wrong decisions. Now, I’m not an expert and not wise on my own. I still have to go to Him every single time, but I find myself less likely to run and more inclined to ask why and listen to His guidance and not my feelings.

So from now, Proverbs 3:5-6 will stand as an important part of this blog. It’s a reminder to me that while my seemingly good ideas might be laughable, they typically represent a lack of trust and confidence in my Creator.

In a way, it serves as the moral to all of my stories. Picture it’s the end of an episode on television and Jesus and I are enjoying a cup of tea. I just got done recounting my most recent disaster and he chuckles and says lovingly, “lean not on your own understanding, you goof.”