My plan to find love, or what I learned from Hallmark Christmas movies

Like most Christmas lovers out there, the Hallmark channel becomes a favorite during the season. Sure, the plots are predictable and 100% of the couples find love in the end, but they so innocently represent the goodness of Christmas it’s hard to look away.

The more I watch them, the more I think I realize why I’m single. It’s not because I’m unwilling to compromise my high and important standards, oh no. Hallmark Christmas movies have shown me that it’s because I’ve never ended up in a Christmas-obsessed town two weeks before December 25.

So this is my plan to find love.

Next year, or maybe this one depending on how long it takes to find the right kind of town, I’m going to mysteriously wind up in a small town with a lot of heart. You know, the kind of place where everyone knows each other and everyone frequents the same restaurant/inn/bakery/cafe.

I don’t have to plan much after this because I will undoubtedly run into an unbelievably attractive man within five minutes of entering the town. He might be the handy man at my hotel or maybe the person I need to do business with (not that business, not yet).

Initially we probably won’t like each other, because either he’s a grump or I’m a grump. I haven’t quite worked out my character yet. Either way, one of us will help guide the other one into experiencing the magic of Christmas.

There will undoubtedly be a tree-lighting we attend where we’ll engage in some light bantering and maybe we don’t hate each other as much as we thought.

The next time we see each other, we’ll have a romantic moment and almost kiss, only to be interrupted by a parent or small child and instead of being adults and admitting we have feelings for each other and following through on the kiss, we’ll awkwardly separate.

At this point, we may actually decide to go on a date. Unfortunately, it will go one of three ways:

1. One of us gets tied up and can’t make it, proving the other’s point that we’re unreliable
2. Our date will be interrupted by someone causing trouble and it will go awry
3. I will get called back to Buffalo and decide going back to my life is the right choice instead of looking for love

No matter what happens, we will be pulled apart and then they’ll be a montage of how sad we are apart yet too proud to admit our feelings. Insert unimportant side characters who try to advise us to follow our hearts or something.

The good news is on Christmas and/or New Years (depending on the length of my trip), we’ll dramatically show up at the same party and realize we’ve been foolish and it’s time to just be together.

And we will live happily ever after (not in that small town though, he will move back with me obviously).

My future husband is just waiting in a small town with nothing do all year until Christmas happens. I’m sure of it. Soon I’ll go and have the change of heart I need to finally let love in and open my heart and remember love makes the world go round.

It’s foolproof. There’s no way 5,576,483,839 Hallmark Christmas movies could get it wrong.