My plan to find love, or what I learned from Hallmark Christmas movies

Like most Christmas lovers out there, the Hallmark channel becomes a favorite during the season. Sure, the plots are predictable and 100% of the couples find love in the end, but they so innocently represent the goodness of Christmas it’s hard to look away.

The more I watch them, the more I think I realize why I’m single. It’s not because I’m unwilling to compromise my high and important standards, oh no. Hallmark Christmas movies have shown me that it’s because I’ve never ended up in a Christmas-obsessed town two weeks before December 25.

So this is my plan to find love.

Next year, or maybe this one depending on how long it takes to find the right kind of town, I’m going to mysteriously wind up in a small town with a lot of heart. You know, the kind of place where everyone knows each other and everyone frequents the same restaurant/inn/bakery/cafe.

I don’t have to plan much after this because I will undoubtedly run into an unbelievably attractive man within five minutes of entering the town. He might be the handy man at my hotel or maybe the person I need to do business with (not that business, not yet).

Initially we probably won’t like each other, because either he’s a grump or I’m a grump. I haven’t quite worked out my character yet. Either way, one of us will help guide the other one into experiencing the magic of Christmas.

There will undoubtedly be a tree-lighting we attend where we’ll engage in some light bantering and maybe we don’t hate each other as much as we thought.

The next time we see each other, we’ll have a romantic moment and almost kiss, only to be interrupted by a parent or small child and instead of being adults and admitting we have feelings for each other and following through on the kiss, we’ll awkwardly separate.

At this point, we may actually decide to go on a date. Unfortunately, it will go one of three ways:

1. One of us gets tied up and can’t make it, proving the other’s point that we’re unreliable
2. Our date will be interrupted by someone causing trouble and it will go awry
3. I will get called back to Buffalo and decide going back to my life is the right choice instead of looking for love

No matter what happens, we will be pulled apart and then they’ll be a montage of how sad we are apart yet too proud to admit our feelings. Insert unimportant side characters who try to advise us to follow our hearts or something.

The good news is on Christmas and/or New Years (depending on the length of my trip), we’ll dramatically show up at the same party and realize we’ve been foolish and it’s time to just be together.

And we will live happily ever after (not in that small town though, he will move back with me obviously).

My future husband is just waiting in a small town with nothing do all year until Christmas happens. I’m sure of it. Soon I’ll go and have the change of heart I need to finally let love in and open my heart and remember love makes the world go round.

It’s foolproof. There’s no way 5,576,483,839 Hallmark Christmas movies could get it wrong.

Anything Could Happen

Do you ever do something really stupid, like go to someone’s profile you shouldn’t, see a picture you don’t like, and then proceed to read all the comments? You can’t even argue it seems like a good idea at the time. You know it’s a terrible idea. Yet on you scroll.

What are we expecting to find? Perhaps that picture of him with someone else is secretly a love call to you and you just have to find the proof. Maybe it’s not that radical. Maybe it’s as simple as you need to learn it’s his or her cousin so you can move on with your life.

And by move on, I of course mean continue to obsess over someone who may or may not even know of your interest and/or existence.

Usually, though, it’s not a cousin and suddenly all your hopes and dreams are dashed. I’ve found that usually it’s a picture on a beach. If they’re on a beach together, especially if it’s a piggy back situation, you’re probably going to be disappointed.

It feels like everything inside of you sinks. I can’t think of a better way to describe it. It’s like there’s this weight of hope you’ve been holding at the top of yourself and suddenly it falls through you. It rests in the pit of your stomach and begins feeding you lies.

For me, the line is usually ‘of course he’d be with someone like her. Look at her long hair and normal sized forehead. Your hair looks crazy in the wind like you have a skullet. You’re probably too heavy to be lifted up like that. She’s wearing an appropriate amount of blush.’ Etc.

Then it can spiral even worse. Even though you didn’t really have a connection to this person, you just feel disconnected. Like your one hope is gone and now you’re left alone. The good news is you know alone, it’s all you know.

Writing this makes me feel pathetic because yeah, this just happened. And here I am whining with my words about another boy who barely knew I existed living a happy life. It’s not like we had anything or he’s my ex. He’s just a boy and I just had a crush.

I can remove myself from the situation and realize this doesn’t actually affect my life. I don’t really care about him. It’s just the idea of him that I like. Having an idea is better than having nothing, I guess. But now I can’t pretend in my head like this is a real possibility.

I guess I’m just tired of being alone and without an idea, it feels like this will be my permanent state of being.

But you know what? Screw that.

I’ve been boyfriend-less for basically a decade, but it’s been a great 10 years. I’ve had some hangs but looking back they were all idiots. Literally. I don’t have one good guy on my roster. That’s what happens when you worry about being alone and let any jerk into your life.

The past 10 years were exceptional because they weren’t about dating. I didn’t devote my life to finding these fools; I just let them in when they stumbled in my general area. Instead I devoted that time to my family, Sam (it isn’t fair to say friends in general), myself, and my faith. And you know what? I really like who I am.

How is this relevant? I like who I am and I don’t need someone else to validate this person. If I never meet someone, I’m going to be okay. I’m happy for other people when they find love in a very sincere way. I’m not bitter. I’m brave.

Is it weird to call yourself brave? Ugh.

As far as the idea goes, a person becomes an idea because you feel you have a lack of options. You cling to this one guy or girl because you need someone to pin your hopes on. Let’s get our hopes up for something real and good, not something largely made up in our heads.

Instead of allowing one person to be responsible for our happiness let’s remember that anything could happen, because anything happens all the time.

Now I’m going to continue my day while listening to Anything Could Happen by Ellie Goulding on repeat. It’s such a bop. Next time you discover your crush is in a new relationship, don’t let the sinking feeling keep you down. Turn Anything Could Happen up loud and remind yourself that their happiness does not mean the end of yours.

Anything is about to happen to you.

Perfect should try to be you

This is a hard topic to try and talk about, because sometimes it’s really difficult for me to see my worth, and I know I’m not alone. Even my most confident, beautiful and wonderful friends struggle at times. You can’t blame us, not in a world constantly saying you aren’t good enough.

While I could spend hours writing about the negative effects of advertising and the media on how we perceive ourselves, that isn’t the focus of this post. It’s more in how let others treat us and how that affects our value.

I think too often and without realizing, we let the opinions of others change the opinion we hold of ourselves. For some, it happens when you’re too young to realize you deserve better and for others it happens so slowly over time until you don’t believe there’s anything different.

To really summarize this idea, I’m going to borrow a quote from the brilliant Stephen Chbosky:

We accept the love we think we deserve.

Now, before I read The Perks of Being a Wallflower, I saw this quote circulated around social media so frequently I wrote it off in my brain as a silly way “edgy” girls romanticized their poor dating choices. Please know I’m not proud of this judgment I so easily passed.

I didn’t read the book until they started filming for the movie in Pittsburgh, but I’m so glad I waited. The first time I read it when I was very early into my 20s, it hit me like a welcome train of awareness. Yes, the characters were teenagers and going through things I couldn’t even imagine, but the truths were there waiting for me. It made me think about how I let people treat me and my motivations and through it, I began to confront some demons.

Another book, The Mingling of Souls by Matt Chandler, taught me the important lesson surrounding this idea of ‘deserving.’ We go through life telling our friends they deserve better, but at the root, they (and we) don’t. Yes, this sounds crazy and no, it doesn’t mean you should let everyone treat you like garbage.

Love is a gift we give and receive, and we learn to love because our Father loved us first. At no point have we ever deserved that love. I mean really, read pretty much every Bible story ever and you will see a people continually falling short. None of that matters, though, because of His great love. He created us, knowing we would never be enough. He continues to pursue us, knowing our hearts are wicked and prone to other gods. Nothing we do can change His love either way. We can’t deserve more by good behavior and we can’t deserve worse by bad behavior. This is such a powerful truth.

It’s not about deserving better treatment, but realizing we’re worth more because we’re children of God. We aren’t designed to let people treat us poorly because that’s not what Love is about. This is so much harder to actually follow, I realize.

Getting back to accepting the love we think we deserve, I think in some concepts deserve is used very well. When we accept the love we think we deserve, we are accepting imperfect love. Love that is flawed and conditional. Love that only works on the terms established by someone else. We are failing to see the beauty of love because we’re so blinded by the things within ourselves that make us feel less.

In my life, this lack of self-worth is related to my father, which is tragically far too common. Despite being a Christian all my life with a good stepfather, I was still trying to earn the love I never received from my father.

Because I never loved him as well as he thought he deserved, my father made me feel less and like I had to continually work to gain anything from him. I would go out of my way to see him and talk to him until it was me initiating every conversation. This pattern is one I can spot in almost every romantic relationship I’ve had.

Until I paid attention, I didn’t realize this was a problem. I assumed it was just guys and I really didn’t know what it was like to feel wanted. I questioned everything about myself and changed trying to find someone who would actually love me.

Because I didn’t see my value, no one else did who I was pursuing. It didn’t help I pursued men I could see weren’t good for me in any capacity, but their slight interest was all I needed to give up my ideals and compromise to make them happy. I was trained to work in exchange for fake love that never lasted.

When I couldn’t see my value, I accepted less than the love God intended for me to have.

Our need for companionship can be so strong it leads us down paths we know we shouldn’t travel. We pick people we know aren’t good for us but we tell ourselves lies like it’s nothing serious anyway or it’s just fun or this is just how guys treat us (and reverse for men, obviously). Or we even think that somehow we can change them and then they will love us in the way we want.

Think about some of the incredible married, engaged or in a serious relationship people in your life. Do you think they got where they are by making their significant other feel less or like they don’t really matter? Do you think the strong couple foundation is built on belittling or neglect?

The answer should be no. If we see healthy relationships, why do we assume we can’t have it, too?

On the other side of this, I can tell you the behavior justifications won’t hold up once you begin to really look at your life. I can’t excuse those pieces of my past, like staying with a guy for too long because it was fun and a distraction, because now I know better. All of these experiences shape who we will be, both alone and in relationships.

Now I have a hard time believing men are actually attracted to and interested in me. I doubt their motivations when they’re nice to me and convince myself they’re like this with everyone. If they stop talking to me, I assume it’s because they are like all the rest.

Maybe you’re reading this and thinking yeah, but it is nothing and just fun, and I really hope that’s true for you. What I know is it isn’t true for me, and every bad experience lowered how I valued myself a little bit more.

When we say yes to people we don’t really like or go back when we say we’re done, we’re showing them how we value ourselves. I know these are generalizations, but that’s where I’m focusing and I want to acknowledge I know there are exceptions. But on the whole, when we give in, we basically tell that person I don’t really value myself at all.

The other side to worth is thinking you aren’t good enough because of something in your past or where you are. We diminish ourselves because we aren’t exactly where we should be or we’ve made mistakes in the past and can’t believe someone could see past them. We carry that weight like a sign around our neck that says ‘I’m a crummy person and not good enough for you.’

Please know that’s nonsense.

Worth is tricky, isn’t it? The power we have to affect how someone views themselves and the impact we can have to make them see they are worth more. It’s hard to convince people of their value, but all we can do is try. And try and try and try because this is a fight you shouldn’t give up on, no matter what.

Even though I’m better than I was, my best friend still needs to remind me of my value when I start to doubt. I can still lose my mind over texts without replies and delays in conversation. The difference is now I’m more selective. I don’t just let anyone in. Conversely, I’m learning to tear down the walls I built to protect my heart and realizing not every man will hurt me. The way I guard my heart now is by reminding myself of how I am so loved by God, and that is the person I want to keep safe so no human can make me feel less.

So what can you take from all this? Remember that while we don’t necessarily deserve anything, we are worth way more than the way we let people treat us. I don’t know what happened in your past or what you did or how they hurt you, but I know restoration is possible. It will never be about finding the right person who will love us the right way, but by learning to love ourselves first and recognizing there is a Greater Love at work within. Completion comes from God alone and successful relationships happen when you can look at every piece of you, whole and broken, and realize how valuable you are.

Maybe you will get to a point where you know and feel this and don’t need reminders or maybe you will still need a daily check in with yourself to see how amazing you are. Either way, you are amazing and valuable and loved just as you are right now.

I will end with a poem by Bo Burnham, called Perfect:

I love you just the way you are

but you don’t see you like I do.

You shouldn’t try so hard to be perfect.

Trust me, perfect should try to be you.

So throw the curtains wide, one day like this will see me right

Full disclosure: I’m not an artist, just a lover of words and the magic they create. This is probably obvious given the above doodle, but I wanted to clarify in case you thought it was here because I’m so *talented*

Do songs ever infect you? With one listen, everything makes sense. It explains the feels you can’t articulate and creates a longing for something deep in your soul. You want to share it with the world so they can understand, but it also remains a secret key to your soul. 

I love music and the power it can have to affect your mood, your day, etc. Some songs exist just for fun, but the soul punching ones are my favorite. 

Right now, that song is “One Day Like This” by Elbow. It’s a fall staple for me, although truly the greatness could transcend through every season. 

It’s basically an ode to being in love and how it makes you feel. It isn’t overly eloquent, but it captures the emotion. The chorus is “cause holy cow, I love your eyes/and only now I see the light/yeah lying with you half awake/oh anyway, it’s looking like a beautiful day”

The song sounds almost like fragmented thoughts of someone trying to express his thoughts to the one he loves. You can picture two people in bed and him just overwhelmed with love in this moment, knowing one day like this is all he needs.

Now I’ve never been in love with a person (only life), so maybe I’m not the authority, but this song is how I want it to feel. 

Holy cow, I love your eyes. 

Don’t tell me I’m called to singleness

Being single over 22 in the church is a strange phenomenon known to confuse elders far and wide. We are the welcome lepers, pushed into groups by ourselves where we can mingle and wallow and wonder what we’ve done to be cursed into being alone. Hopefully, our group will lead to connection with another leper and together we will be healed by Holy Matrimony and finally we can join the rest of the church.

I’m mostly kidding.

If you’re raised in the church, there are a few lessons you learn: Jonah and the whale, Noah and the Ark, Jesus feeds the 5,000, good Christian boys and girls find each other and get married, etc. Without really thinking about it, you just kind of expect you will be married young like everyone you know. At least, that was my experience. This notion was exacerbated by attending a Christian college where ‘ring before spring’ was a very real phenomenon.

Don’t get me wrong – I mean zero disrespect to married couples or how the church values marriage. It’s an incredible thing and should be valued. If you want, assume I’m a bitter single girl and take nothing I say seriously.

Moving on.

During sermons, it’s common for pastors to refer to their marriages or relationships in general to illustrate their points. This doesn’t really bother me because I’m an adult and can see what they’re trying to convey. One time, however, I heard a speaker try to tailor a message to the singles and try to reach them where they were. At first I was confused because I’m thinking, well I’m right here with the married people but it’s fine, continue. And then I got over my snarky self and decided to listen.

In complete honesty, I don’t remember much of what he said about it because I kind of zoned out after he generalized being a single Christian under the most offensive thing for me to hear. Yes, more offensive than Johnny’s wonderful aunt trying to hook us up because we would be great together and he’s such a nice boy.

You are called to singleness.

As someone who’s essentially been single her entire life, this really grinds my gears. I’ve heard other Christians say they’ve been called to singleness, and maybe they have, but it’s not right to put that on every Christian person who isn’t married. You know what it looks like to me? You don’t really know what to say about prolonged singleness because you don’t understand. You try to glorify it and soothe our poor, lonely wounds by letting us know we have some wonderful, magnificent purpose and it is being single.

How about this? Sometimes we’re just single.

Famously single person Paul wrote about being single in 1 Corinthians 7, citing married people are more concerned with pleasing their spouses but single people can direct all of their attention to the Lord. Don’t worry, I’m not trying to argue with Paul who was way more than just a single man but isn’t it fun to define someone by one inconsequential label?

This is how the church should focus on singleness – as a gift, not a calling. It is a gift that can lead you to do other really important things you are called to do, just like marriage can. More than just telling us it’s a gift and we should be grateful, the church should want to meet us here and help us get to the whole ‘it’s a gift’ stage.

It’s really frustrating being single at least 20 percent of the time. Even if you’re content and independent, sometimes you really want a significant other. Weddings are a great example, especially when virtually all of your friends are getting married. Netflix bingeing is another solid example. I’m still waiting to watch Stranger Things in the hope I’ll have a boyfriend soon (she says mostly sarcastically).

Personally, I do view being single as an incredible gift. It’s why at 26, I’m not using dating services or going out of my way to meet anyone. My time is mine, which means I can give as much of it to other people as I want. I can go and visit my nieces or hang out with friends without having a big time suck boyfriend who wants to see me because I’m so awesome.

Most importantly (to me), it means I can devote a lot of time to my church. I like to joke that I can volunteer so much because I don’t have a life, but that’s really only half true. I like to give as much as I can now, because I know it won’t always be this way. Someday, maybe next month or in 10 years, I will meet someone and they will need me, too.

Now I say this and you might want to point out that I am representing single guy Paul’s words pretty well, but you have to remember that I’m almost 26. I had my last boyfriend (of three months) at 18. The eight years in between weren’t always easy and filled with enlightenment. Steadily, I grew more comfortable with being alone and allowed God to use it in my life and show me it was a gift. I didn’t wake up one morning and decide I didn’t need a man.  

Over the years, I realized a few important things, like if I had married someone from my past, it probably would’ve been a disaster. I’m a different girl than I was at 18, 21, 23 and even 25 and I keep growing into this person. I’m actually happy I became this version of myself before meeting someone. Lately, I’m realizing how much I have to give while I wait.

And yes, I am waiting, mostly patiently. Contrary to what you might think, I am excited to meet someone. But marriage isn’t the ultimate goal of my life and that is a good thing because I’m living for my King and not some random guy out in the world.

I want to add another disclaimer about the churches I’ve attended because it might seem like I paint them pretty negatively. I’ve been a part of several amazing communities and I don’t want to take away from the work they do for the Kingdom. The issue of singleness in the church is bigger than one congregation. It’s literally the Church.

To conclude, we aren’t lepers and we aren’t necessarily called to be alone. Help us develop our gifts and use our time but don’t assume we should magically enjoy being single. You tell me the grass isn’t always greener in relationship land and I expect you to believe it isn’t always better where I live, either.

To other single people: It sucks a lot sometimes, I know. I KNOW. I don’t want to minimize your struggles by discussing where I am now. I have pages and pages of journal entries about boys and crying out to God about why I’m still single. It’s a process. Maybe you’ll meet someone before you get here, maybe not. The best thing I can say is we know God is working for our good, right? We have that promise. So we don’t have missed opportunities. There wasn’t anything else you could’ve said to make something work. It wasn’t you, it was probably God. Enjoy all these moments because they are making you into the person God designed, and he or she is incredible. You are already loved so magnificently you can’t even fathom it. Believe me, I know.

Can’t get enough of myself

Holidays are always hard for single people. I don’t mean like poverty or racism hard, but a challenge in their own way. If you’re miserable, they serve as a reminder that you’re miserable without a significant other. If you’re content, they serve as an opportunity for the world to remind you that everyone else seems to have someone and invites endless questions about how you could possibly STILL be single.

Unfortunately, Valentine’s Day is no exception. For many, the day involves making special plans with that special someone. For me it’s basically my mom sharing memes trying to comfort me that I’m alone because at least the chocolate will be cheap Feb. 15. Thanks, Mom.

When my family isn’t taking cracks at my ‘forever alone’ status, the world is trying to figure out why I haven’t met someone yet. If you’re reading this and thinking you know a few reasons, just get out. This is a safe space. It’s hard to go a week without someone suggesting someone they know for a date or saying they’ll keep their eyes open for me.

At the root of all these conversations, we have mostly good natured people who want the people they know to be happy and in their mind, they equate this happiness with no longer being alone.

Newsflash: I am not alone.

Technically a synonym of ‘alone’ is single, but that is like having a single roll of toilet paper, not a relationship status. Alone is defined as ‘having no one else present; one one’s own.’ I look at my life and I’m far from alone.

I live with my best friend. I have a great group of friends from church. I feel loved and supported when going through life’s ups and downs. My family is amazing. My dog Gomer does her best to keep me company when she isn’t ruining my life. Sometimes I am alone walking. Occasionally I’m home alone. But I am not alone in my life.

Most importantly, there are like a billion verses in the Bible talking about how God is always with me and He is the only person who can actually fill the hole in my heart. The world tries to fix it with a relationship, but I am already complete.

We can also argue the adjective ‘lonely,’ defined as ‘sad because one has no friends or company,’ is a misleading term. You know what the synonyms for lonely include? Isolated, friendless, unloved and forsaken.

Does not having a boyfriend/girlfriend make you any of those things?
If you answer yes, I can’t believe you made it this far through the post. I’ll pray for you. If you thought no, yay! You get it. You can bring up the argument that I’m looking at a very basic understanding of ‘alone’ and ‘lonely,’ but I’m just trying to bring perspective.

If you feel alone or lonely in this world and you have friends, it’s probably not because you’re single. There’s something bigger pulling you, and I promise it’s a God who will love you better than any human can.

With the exception of a few high school boyfriends who absolutely don’t count, I’ve been single my entire life. Since I was a teenager, I’ve spent Valentine’s Day either with one of my friends or by myself doing what I love: eating food that isn’t necessarily good for me and going to the movies. I love myself so why shouldn’t I enjoy a holiday about love doing what I love?

I understand the joy a relationship can bring and yes, it’s something I want, but it doesn’t affect my whole life. Being single is not an illness that plagues us until we meet the right person. You cannot cure me by telling me I deserve someone great.

My prolonged singleness taught me a few valuable lessons: basically all humans suck so surprisingly no, I don’t deserve anything. I am great and worthwhile and if someone doesn’t appreciate it, he isn’t right for me (and that is perfectly ok!). Being on your own is an incredible experience because you learn about you as an individual and you learn how to be on your own so when you meet someone, you don’t need them. You want them.

To people in relationships, no disrespect. I firmly believe God has a plan for everyone and we grow where we are planted.

To people like me, you are not alone. If you’re feeling lonely, call a friend or find a kid online you can send a Valentine to. Maybe consider using some of your free single-person time to give back. Spread love everywhere you can.

The takeaway from all of this: God has an amazing plan for all of us. If your role right now is being single, don’t let the world and holidays get you down. Embrace every second of it. Statistically speaking, you will spend most of like in a committed relationship with someone else. These precious years that seem to drag are your opportunity to find and be who you are and realize that person is enough.

If you need a starting point, listen to ‘Can’t Get Enough of Myself’ by Santigold. It will set you on the right path to believing you are incredible because trust me, you are.

I am no one’s weird mistake

Sometimes there’s no worse feeling than being 25 years old and allowing the presence of another human to debilitate you. Why can’t your brain feed you images of your strength and independence and not of past rejection? Why won’t I man up and say, ‘nah, you can’t have this effect on me.

I really need to have a playlist ready in my head for these encounters, featuring Stronger by B. Spears, Independent Women by Destiny’s Child and Single Ladies by Queen Bey. Will note for next time.

While frantically texting everyone who’s vaguely aware of my situation, the reality occurred to me. He makes me feel weird. Every time we see each other, he looks away too. He doesn’t try to say hi or even spare a head nod. We just act like the other doesn’t exist.

Because of where I was when our history unfolded, I felt less than him. When the rejection occurred, I blamed myself and where I was. I thought he was too good for me. Everything about me seemed wrong, like maybe I didn’t love God enough or maybe I was too fat. We all know these as the thoughts that keep us up at night when we think of how we could’ve saved a situation.

Instead of things blossoming like I hoped, I became a secret. Sure, making out and then seeing each other socially is kind of fun when you’re young and pretending like you aren’t emotionally attached. When everything ended, I remained a secret until it surfaced my last night out in college. This thing I had built up and torn myself apart over became nothing more than a funny story to share at the bar.

Three years later and I’m still the dirty little secret.

Anytime you let someone’s feelings dictate how you behave, you sacrifice a bit of yourself. Allowing someone to make you feel inferior only pushes you to that place. Every time I panic when I see him, I’m allowing this perception to rule me, haunt me and remind me why everything is my fault.

In the last few years, I kept digging myself closer to rock bottom after college until about a year out I hit the stone that got my life back on track. I recognized I was running from the person I was by trying to be someone I thought was cooler. I began to let God’s opinion affect me instead of what a guy might think. I found my worth again in God and learned to love every part of myself, good and terrifying.Yet I let a chance run-in slam the wall of my self-esteem. Fortunately, God has my back.

Before I could spiral into my pit of sadness, I felt him reminding me of where I was. I had the support of my friends saying all the right words to make me realize I am great and one opinion doesn’t change that.

I am not someone’s weird mistake. I am God’s wonderful creation.

Who cares what happened three years ago? Three years is a lifetime when you begin to grow up. Three years is enough to realize you’re on a bad path and find the right one before it’s too late. It’s enough time to thrive.

To all my ladies (and guys, no sexism here), don’t let that person affect you. You are a beautiful, unique unicorn designed by a God who dreamt you up and knit you together in your mother’s womb. The same God who knows every hair on your head and cares for you, whether you’re struggling with a major illness or reeling from a chance encounter. To Him, you are enough. I mean, He died for you, and you definitely didn’t deserve that. Find your worth in the God who won’t leave you because you couldn’t meet a standard, but will continually pursue you as His true love until you feel a piece of the depth of His passion for you.

You are the greatest person alive.

We’re all that person for someone

There’s a really terrible place to be in life. You could even argue that it’s worse than being Canadian. You know what the worse part is? We’re all most likely there.

Love is great. Relationships can be cool. There’s something to be said for sharing your life with someone, but there’s something more to be said when the other person doesn’t want what you have to offer.

The lucky ones are liked back. Most of us fall for people who will never like us back and instead of being smart and evacuating the situation, we stay and torture ourselves. WHY.

Let me tell you why. We secretly hope that if we linger long enough they’ll see how great we are and change their minds. Maybe if we’re cute or funny enough at the right time we can make them realize we’re worth hanging out with.

Not the case. Ever.

We can’t blame the other person, they just don’t have those feelings, and they’re most likely being honest about it. Which sucks too, don’t get me wrong.

It’s a never ending cycle. Most likely while you’re trapped in feelings for someone who refuses to return them, there’s someone vying for your attention that you’re treating the exact same way. It’s tragic if you think about it. We just all want what we can’t have.

This cycle leads to the creation of the back up. The person we like denies us, so we go to the person who likes us for affirmation that we probably won’t die alone. They compliment us, and we act like we’re embarrassed while secretly hoping they say more nice things about us. Do we want anything with this person? Heck no. But for a brief time they remind us that we’re viable options too.

This behavior is wrong. We all get caught up in it, which means while we’re doing it chances are it’s being done to us. And it hurts.

You are a beautiful soul who should never settle being in someone’s reserve bin for a rainy day. You deserve to be the only option. And someday you will be.

Life is tough. Boys are stupid. But God has a plan. If someone doesn’t like you, it’s because there’s someone better waiting to meet you. It may not be tomorrow, but it will happen.

Rather than constantly checking our phones for interaction, let’s throw in the towel. Sometimes there’s value in quitting if it will help you. Chasing things too far will just make you sad.

We’re all that person, and we’ve all been there. And it never stops being unfortunate.

Enjoy being young

We’ve all experienced it and we’ve all said it. Unless you’re one of those nauseating people that finds the love of their life in high school.

I HATE BEING SINGLE. I WANT A BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND. PEOPLE IN A RELATIONSHIP ARE STUPID. MY EX-BOYFRIEND IS GAY.

Well maybe that last one is Chelsea-specific, but we’ve all been at that point where we give up and start looking for cats at the humane society. We begin to think that we’ll never find that special someone because we haven’t yet and we’re impatient.

Nonsense, children. The best thing about life is it has a master Writer who is taking care of everything. We can force situations and try to make things happen but it probably won’t work out. Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.

Love finds you when its supposed to. Not a second earlier or later. All we can do is enjoy life and youth and being single. Now I’m going to share some insight.

If your marriage/serious relationship/longterm FWB works out, you’ll be committed to someone more than half of your life. Which means most of your life will be shared with someone else.

Don’t get me wrong, I love sharing. It will be great to have a partner in life, but at the same time, I love me. I love doing what I want to do. I love not worrying about someone else. I love not having in-laws.

For example, my twice married mother has been a wife collectively for 23 years (today is actually her anniversary with my wonderful stepdad). And she’s only 47 (she’ll be 48 in six days). In total, she was not-married single for 24 years. That’s not counting engagements or serious boyfriends.

We only have one chance to be our own person. Someday it will be great to have someone else, but right now I’m enjoying my youth.

And I hope, for your sake, that you are too.